Ramblings about hats, goats, bugs, etc

I’ve never been much of a hat-wearer. In fact, I think the only hats that I’ve ever owned have been the ones I bought just before or while living in upstate New York, in all of it’s freezing glory. But I’ve been wearing lots of different hats lately, and hats that I don't think I would've ever worn in the US.


Let’s see, so far hats I’ve worn include goat-herder (they wander onto our school grounds to nibble our delicate trees, so we chase them away and back to their respective owner’s general direction…which is actually harder than it sounds since our trees are incredibly tasty and goats are incredibly stubborn..I might have to look into obtaining a 'freakin goat rope'), window-latch-repairer (I managed to successfully put a halt to the constant blowing open and shut of one of my living room windows after a little bit of super glue and a lot of cursing), sign-language-interpreter (for all the times when my Swahili skills fail me, or for when my villagers talk to me in their tribal language, which I don’t understand at all), and computer-problem-solver (since skills such as how to re-name documents and create new folders are in short supply here). With any luck, I’ll also add fish-de-gutter (you can only buy fish whole here and you have to clean them yourself but they look so fresh and tasty that I think it’ll motivate me enough to be able to chop off their heads and pull out their insides) and amateur seamstress (or at least learn how to sew, as I think it’s just a smidge too far to send my mending back to Mommy…though don’t think I didn’t consider it). Oh, and painter! With any luck I’ll be painting the inside of my house within the next couple of weeks. Which sounds like fun (and I’m hoping that it doesn’t just sound that way because I’ve never done it before).


But the recently acquired hat that I think I’m perhaps most proud of is insect-genocide-instigator. Which was has also come with the amateur-bug-ologist hat (sidenote: I used to think I was reasonably intelligent and knew things such as what a person who studies bugs is called; I know realize this is not true and in fact simply knew how to use wikipedia). Before I moved in, my house had been empty for about six months, and as a result, it was absolutely filled with bugs. So I’ve summarized and categorized them here for your enjoyment. Laughing at my expense is highly encouraged.

Cockroaches - These buggers (pun very much intended) gross me out, but I’m coming to detest them less and less, as their slow nature makes them easy to kill. They’re also relatively predictable and like to hang out in the same areas and now that I’m cognizant of those places, they’re much less startling.
Squeemish Factor (on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 high): 7
Juiciness Factor (upon sudden death by designated bug-killing shoe): 5

Beetles, Flying – These guys can get pretty big (like the size of my thumb) and are pretty stupid (they have a habit of flying into walls repeatedly, as well as towards shoes trying to kill them), but their distinguishing feature by far is their loud crackling sound followed by intense gushiness (I’m talking a legit small puddle) upon meeting their maker.
Squeemish Factor: 6
Juiciness Factor: 10

Beetles, Crawling – These guys are slightly smaller than their flying cousins, but come with good-sized pinchers. Luckily they’re pretty slow, so I haevn’t found out how those pinchers effect people yet.
Squeemish Factor: 3
Juiciness Factor: 6

Crickets – These guys are mainly just annoying cause of the loud sound they make (not bad when they’re outside, but annoying when they’re inside), but can be kinda creepy when they jump. Especially onto your feet. Eesh.
Squeemish Factor: 5
Juiciness Factor: 4

Spiders, Daddy Long Legs – Just like in the states. I’ve been killing them (just so they don’t think they’re getting special treatment and get big heads…and I don’t want to get involved in any of the local insect politics), but I can feel my persecution of them starting to lose its fervor. Plus, they kinda remind me of home.
Squeemish Factor: 1
Juiciness Factor: 4

Spiders, Itty Bitties - If you couldn’t tell, this is my name for them, since they’re super tiny – like dime-sized. They’re pretty fast, but just not that big a deal.
Squeemish Factor: 2
Juiciness Factor: 5

Spiders, Beasts – Again, my name for them, and with good reason. These guys get BIG (like they average about the size of my palm) and are pretty meaty too. And I think as a result, they’re sturdier, because one good whap isn’t enough to do them in – they need at least two and sometimes three. And it’s not very easy to give them a good whap either, as they are crazy fast and they jump. Yes, jump. There was much squealing involved on my part (and none on the part of the spider) when I discovered this.
Squeemish Factor: 9
Juiciness Factor: 8

Wasps – I’ve had one of the other teachers at my school remove three wasp nests for me so far. These guys also get pretty big, and usually need two good whaps to kill ‘em. But I’ve gotten rid of most of them and haven’t gotten stung yet, so I really can’t complain.
Squeemish Factor: 7
Juiciness Factor: 5

Termites – Among my least favorite. They’re eating my house. And my furniture. And they leave their piles of sawdust and their trails everywhere. If anyone knows a home-remedy for getting rid of these fuckers, please let me know
Squeemish Factor: 6
Juiciness Factor: 2

Aliens – I’ll need to undergo further study of these guys, as so far I’ve only encountered a handful of them. But they are huge (like from the tip of my pinkie to my wrist in length, not exaggerating) and they literally look like something from another planet – freaky. Twice now I’ve spotted one, turned my back on it just long enough to grab a can of bug spray, and when I look back he’s not only clear on the other side of the room but has scampered halfway up the wall as well. So they’re either ridiculous fast, or they have short-range teleportation abilities. Right now my predictions are leaning towards the latter.
Squeemish Factor: 10
Juiciness Factor: 7

Buzz – Another name of my own invention. This guy is a total loner and has made a home for himself in the overhang right outside my back door. He makes this incredibly loud (like I can tell when he flies home from the other side of my house) buzzing sound and seems to keep himself very busy. I haven’t had the heart to kill him yet, partly because he’ technically outside and he hasn’t given me any trouble yet, and partly because it seems unfair since he’s been living there so much longer than me (my counterpart says he’s ‘known’ Buzz for at least six months now). But if he violates our tacit agreement (you stay outside and don’t bring any friends around and I won’t kill you), I might be forced to spray poison in your home while you’re out.
Squeemish Factor: 3
Juiciness Factor: Unknown

Jumbo Red Ants – The name pretty much says it all. There were tons of them at first, but since giving my house a good spray down, they haven’t given me much trouble and normally content themselves to eat the carcasses of other bugs that I kill and am too slow / lazy to sweep outside.
Squeemish Factor: 4
Juiciness Factor: 3


So that about covers the ones worth mentioning, or at least the one I can think of off the top of my head (I fully reserve the right to complain more about bugs at a later time). One bugs that I don't have any issues with is mosquitos - I don't think I've seen any at all in my village, which is awesome.

Oh, and I managed to figure out the deal with the post service in my new town. The post office here is run by this awesome group of mama's who are really enthusiastic about PC volunteers and happy to have us here. Which is really sweet because (among other things) it means I'll actually get whatever y'all want to mail me (as opposed to horror stories I've heard from other volunteers about things being stolen or packages never coming). Lucky me. So here's my new address:
PO Box 715
Singida, Tanzania
East Africa

Of course I'd love to get letters or pictures from everyone. Or if you want to send me something, I'd love to take up a new hobby, as I can tell I'm gonna have a lot of free time here. Boredom means complete lack of pickiness, so pick me out a new hat to wear.


"I'm standing shell-shocked but I'm still here"